TEEN WOLF: priorities
Y’all expect me to care about Peter Hale, Kate Argent, dumb plans, Nikes, and teenaged assassins when:
Sheriff Stilinski is in the hospital??
Derek Hale is SOLVING MYSTERIES??
Derek Hale is at makeout point with Malia???
Derek Hale is in TERRIFYING LIFE DANGER?????
I can’t talk about some of the other things that happened in this episode because they were too violent and upsetting: I guess I thought it was sort of wildly uneven to have some (A LOT) of folks dying violent sad lonely deaths and some folks being saved from certain death by being cut open by a scalpel, this cutting being extremely urgent but also convenient to whenever they were rescued or whatever.
That jump cut to Deaton right after THE BENEFACTORRRRRR was some mighty suspicious and also too-obvious foreshadowing, right? Eh, I don’t care.
WHY WASN’T MELISSA AT THE HOSPITAL, DID NO ONE CALL HER, DOES MELISSA NOT HAVE ANY FRIENDS??? “Melissa, honey, you might want to come in, your handsome main squeeze just came into the ER. Oh, also that deadbeat husband of yours.”
Sometimes it seems as though this show is concocted using an old game of Clue that they’ve marked up with the character names and shuffled at random, e.g. THIS EPISODE:
- Chris & Scott at the old Argent Factory for Making (Unspecified) Things. Please let Chris Argent be an Ice Cream Baron or something. ARGENT BRAND PIZZA BAGELS.
- Malia & Derek: wandering around the woods in the middle of the night even though Malia left school during what is obviously THE DAY, what were they doing, lying around eating Argent Brand Pizza Bagels all afternoon?
- Stiles & Lydia - FINE THAT MAKES SENSE
- Tiny Wolf plus the ten million hours least suspenseful hours ever watching a guy dig his fingers into the same ten wet stones, WERE WE EVER ACTUALLY WORRIED ABOUT TINY ANGRY WOLF AT ALL, you know Scott was going to save him, just like yOU KNOW that now that they’ve gone and said Derek’s gonna die, he’s not going to die. At all. Right? RIGHT.
Can I just talk about Derek Hale and how I’m glad he solves mysteries and retains a sense of purpose in life, but being all oh, They use a Buddhist mantra, let’s go to the eastern-most point in Beacon Hills makes no sense!!! NO SENSE AT ALL!!! You can’t solve mysteries by just extrapolating random facts and turning out to be right!!! That’s not how mysteries work at all.
Peter’s evil head tilt makes it look like he has some sort of serious ear mange for which he needs immediate treatment.
best summary so far!